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‘Sup dicklicks,

I’m Brandon Harris.

Now I know what you’re thinking: is that dude in the band Nickelback? How’d the dude from Nickelback get in The Matrix? Well, I got news for ya — I’m NOT in fuckin’ Nickelback and I’m not in the goddamn Matrix either. I already told you shitnoses that I’m BRANDON HARRIS. I’m also fuckin’ awesome at photoshop, that’s why it looks like I’m in the Matrix and shit. 

Anyway, you fuckknockers should really give some money to Wikipedia.

I don’t wanna screw with your delicate little minds, but let’s just say I could pull some serious Criss Angel Mindfreak shit and MAKE you give Wikipedia some money — if I wanted to. However, I made a vow to not abuse my powers for personal gain. That’s right, Brandon Harris lives by a moral code and doesn’t abuse the dark arts. 

So why don’t ya knock your dick out of your hand and pony up some damn coin to Wikipedia? Quit being such a freeloading fuckstain all the time. We good? Fuck yeah we’re good. I’m Brandon Harris… and I’m OUT THIS BITCH.

Take it sleazy,

Brandon Harris

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